One long ass day . . .

So i originally woke up at 4am thinking ‘what the FUCK am i doing awake at this ungodly hour’ but i just couldn’t sleep turned out i needed to get up for the toilet anyway so i am glad that i didn’t just think i was having a wet dream not that girls have those but i am guessing it is a feeling of swimming?

Well lets not go there as i never want to have the misfortune of seeing of having it happen to me!

On the subject of wet dreams and moving onto men, i wonder what it would be like for a guy as i suppose they usually wake up wet most nights dreaming about spunking over some girls phat bits!

I cannot believe i just wrote that sentence but going on what i have been watching over the past couple of the days (Both series 1 & 2 of the inbetweeners (BRITISH COMEDY SERIES!)) i can safely say my mind is in the gutter well a little further than it always has been!

So moving back to the sticky subject in hand! I wonder what it is like i mean obviously i have seen when guys have let loose etc and many things have cum of it!!!! Oh i crack myself up but i wonder what it is like when they are unconscious of what is going on in their nether regions?

Right moving on to a more sanitary subject, MY SHIT DAY AT WORK!

As i wasn’t even supposed to be at work and i was doing overtime you would think that people would appreciate you being there but it just seems like i was an extra skivvy on board to do the shitty jobs that the lazy fucking supervisors couldn’t be assed. So i started at 12pm and by 12:03 i wanted to fucking smack the little fat duck looking waddler of a supervisor in the fucking head, sorry for my temporary fucking terrets but she is a cunt of the lowest form that vagina doesn’t even register what a fucking wanker!

So back to the way things were her out of my face me serving miserable customers as they want to bring things back but me telling them to keep their shit and fuck off the day was progressing well until . . .

The tills decided they would have a laugh and fuck up! Luckily the dude working on the returns desk with me is hilarious and we managed to laugh our way through it whilst telling customers in the most polite way to go and fuck themselves hard up a fucking lamppost or anywhere away from us!

Whilst sorting out the trolleys with all the heavy flooring both of us lifting heavy things . . .

ENTER FATTY WADDLER BREATHING LIKE A FUCKING DEHYDRATED HIPPO WITH A BACK PROBLEM WHO NEEDS AN EXTRA OXYGEN TANK JUST TO GET A BREATH IN . . .

Conversation goes as follows:

Hippo: Can you jump on the till at the end Swerve ???

Me: Nope i am lifting things can you not see that, nah suppose you can’t see over the fucking counter so hop up on a chair and serve the customer yourself.

Hippo once customer had left: Don’t ever speak to me like that in front of a customer again  . . .

Me: Or you will do what spaz yourself into a hissy fit and roll over and stop breathing don’t tempt me fatty really don’t fucking push me over the edge cos i will do it . . .

Hippo: I am going to have to take this to the boss . (Looking at me with questioning eyes to see if i give a flying fuck and getting the response she didn’t want, NO FUCKING FEAR WHATSOEVER)

Me: Go and fucking tell him what is he gonna tell me considering he was the one that asked me to come out here in the first place when i just wanted to stay away from your fat ass, good thing you don’t do weekends and i only have to see your ugly fat mug when i do the little overtime i get.

Hippo: *Stunned Silence* followed by storming off puffing and steaming and her lungs screaming for oxygen . . .

So most of that actually did happen as there was a lot of swearing but now we have come to the understanding that we just say hi and how are you without going to deep and she asks me to do nothing as i will work when i am ready as she is not my fucking boss! And we also got to the point of agreeing that if she goes and grasses me up i will get her done for bullying and harassment and i doubt it will be the first time miserable little gremlin!

So after work i hit Krispy Kreme (One place i haven’t been for a while!) for a girly chat which lasted about 3 hours, however it was an extremely productive time! With free donuts and 2 mugs that were given to us as we were the only people who stayed there all afternoon we had a really good time and even arranged for another meeting soon which will be even more productive as we can shop, talk and eat in the same sitting, i hear you ask how do we do it?

Well the answer is we are WOMEN, far superior to men but we still love you so don’t fight us when we say these things as you know we like to look after you and you fucking love it!

Good night bloglings!

SWERVE!

xxx

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2 thoughts on “One long ass day . . .

  1. The wet dreams generally stop after guys start masturbating or become sexually active. It’s kind of hard to describe how it feels. I imagine it’s a little different for everyone.

    Be nice to hippo. She probably has a rotten home life if she has the need to exert so much power at work. Give her a hug and a crumpet or something.

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  2. That seems a fair explanation as i suppose everyone is different!

    As for the hippo hell no she takes pride in making it the day from hell for anyone that even so much as says hello to her she is just NOT a nice person fat or not! I know plenty of larger people who are perfectly jolly!

    Also a crumpet??!! That is extremely english for you!

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