A Rumbling Inferno

Do you ever get those days when you just think – Is this really my life? Did i make this happen?

I guess it could be thought of as constant re-evaluation of what is to be. There is always the silent thought of why does the same shit keep happening to me just on a different day.

So it starts the same as most other sob stories do! I met this guy . . .

It was a night out where the boys and the girls went there separate ways and met up at the end of the night to go home. In all honesty it was a great night in what i thought was a gay bar. Most my night was spent balancing up against either a cute guy dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, the bar or the speaker on the dance floor.
After several Jack and Cokes (no pun intended) mixed with numerous Jagerbombs which are just wrong on so many levels i was heavily inebriated and ready to leave but there was one thing i wanted before i left. Someone else’s number other than Cap’n Jack that is!

After 5 minutes looking for said person they found me and gave me a piece of paper folded up, very cliche i must ad i was not impressed at the time as i thought he had given me gum wrapped up to throw away – how uncouth!
Mind overload is what i think happened when i was given the piece of paper, which as the days go by doesn’t seem to surprise me anymore – slightly more surprised when not in overload and get tired easily!

So needless to say i got his number and luckily for me there was no reception. Yes i know i wanted his number but calling him was a completely different kettle of fishies. I told him i was leaving and he walked me out much to Cap’n Jacks dislike and tried to put me in a cab home. I wasn’t having any of it, sorry but who was this guy trying to tell me my night was over. Point in hand YES i said i was going home but that could have just been a ploy to get back to Jack!

This is how people get hurt – GAMES! But when you are single what else is there to do when you don’t want a serious relationship. Scrabble isn’t really the type of game i want to be playing in the village hall on a saturday night with all the local geriatrics in town. More like 4 girls 8 men, a fully stocked bar and some good music – no i am NOT talking about a gang bang, get your minds out of the gutter.

The next day finally arrived, i felt like someone had tried to flush my head down the toilet as i got to sleep around 4 or possibly later and woke up at 8 something – well those times are around about right just not much on the memory side of things.
I managed to drive home (heavily over the limit – yes irresponsible paired with stupid) and walk my dog before passing out on my lovely bed. After waking up feeling like a dried up bleached mop head i checked my phone and had a couple of missed calls and messages asking if i got home safely, if i was alive and then . . .
DING DING DING – supposed Jackpot Lotto – he called me and a left me a text message – not voicemail.

‘Hey cutey, hope you got home safely after last night’s charade. You looked like you had fun, maybe on my next night out . . .’

My reply: Hi, Was nice to meet you last night – of what i can remember of it and you. Got home perfectly safe thank you.

Another message from him ‘Glad you got home safe cutey, when am i seeing you again???’

At this point in the conversation i am thinking really what do you look like – my next reply

‘Send me a pic of you please – fully clothed – can’t remember what you look like’
Better to be live and direct with it than pussy foot around the bushes and see what the dipshit that tried to pack me off home looks like – that is if i do actually meet up with him.

Ok so the result of me being an upfront bitch worked, i got a photo and he was cute. With the photo came the message – ‘ Can i take you out for dinner tonight?’
My mind starting buzzing or was that just the ringing in my ears from last night still playing a merry trick on my brain!

Sod it, i was hungry and he was buying – i suggested Nando’s so he didn’t think it was anything special and i got some filling nosh. He looked surprised that i wasn’t a salad eater and i asked him ‘Dude seriously why are you surprised?’ Come on let’s face it i am no Kate Moss and who would want to be? When it rains you might get flushed down the drain, when the wind blows poof there she blows, when you walk on wood flooring oops there is a crack and where is she? Nope she is gone ah well!

So we chowed down and got a drink at the local pub and had a chat, we had more than we thought in common and got on like a house on fire – a saying that to this day i really don’t get.

The next day after enjoying each others company we decided to go and see a film, i picked a comedy as he told me he had something to tell me and i guessed bad news – well for him not me.

As it turns out it all does come out in the wash, his ex is some wanna be psycho bitch who in the name of love scratched up his car and went round buttering up his family (on the same day!) and he is stupid enough to think she still loves him.

Well mate for all the singles out there i flipped him the bird and told him ‘Jog on boy, jog right on’

Thank you and good night!



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