Patisserie Valerie – Sutton, Surrey

Yum right? Or was it really?!

Have you ever heard the saying that you can sprinkle glitter on a turd however it is still a turd? Another less crude way of putting it is that you can put lipstick on a pig but it will still be a pig. Well Patisserie Valerie in Sutton was no better for me. Apart from the service being completely disorganised and quite frankly painfully slow this “lovely” patisserie (An overpriced cafe) really just made me want to physically heave.

It all started when we walked in and started to survey the beautiful display in the window. We were then asked if we were eating in or taking out (sounded like Mc Donalds!). We were then told to go and sit down like bad little school children with no direction to any particular table. It then took forever and a day (almost 10 minutes) for the waiter who told us to sit down to ask us if we wanted anything without giving us a menu or trying to explain what the cakes actually were. As we were going by what we liked the look of the bland menu that was available was no help whatsoever. We then decided to ignore the waiter and go and look in the window again. This helped and we finally got some attention and made our order.

After making my way through about 80% of the Mille Feuille which looked oh so tempting in the window and attempting to choke down something that was meant to bear a resemblance to a soy latte I was ready to pay whatever price I had to so I could leave my version of cake shop hell. Illy coffee – really? Burnt Illy coffee maybe.

Leftovers at Patisserie Valerie Sutton – NOT IMPRESSED 😦 – I rarely leave cake or coffee!

Whenever you get the thought into your head of ‘How much is that doggy in the window?’ remind yourself of all the poop that you will be scooping when you take home. That is a similar thought that I will be having when I next walk past this particular Patisserie Valerie.

Being the good Samaritan that I am there will be a chance for Patisserie Valerie to redeem themselves and I will be visiting another branch. However that hell hole in Sutton will not have a repeat venture out on my part as not only would it be a waste of petrol but also toilet paper. £13.50 to feel ill after what are usually two of my favourite things to eat and drink.

Sorry if this review/rant was offensive to your eyes but it was the truth and an opinion which I am free to voice!

If I had to review this place it would barely get:


Bad Brew

Have a great day 😀 – I know I will with a venti Egg Nogg Latte! YUM!



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